Team relationships are the result of thousands of micro-interactions. Every one of them matters
Effective leadership requires effective relationships; they are how you engage and inspire your teams and organizations to deliver your vision and results.
Yet what makes up relationships? Thousands of interactions and shared moments over time. Around a core of longer, deeper conversations and more significant events, most of what makes up our relationships are short, apparently inconsequential interactions. These so-called micro-interactions are not interactions into which we put a great deal of thought, planning or intention. Yet they matter immensely.
Micro-interactions are what we say, and don’t say. They are how we say things: the phrasing, tone, timing, and energy. They are what we listen to and what we ignore, consciously or otherwise. They are the interruptions and the silences, the smiles and flashes of irritation that pass across our faces. They are our habits and behaviors. Micro-interactions are the moments of connection we have with other humans that occur in their multitudes every day.
Overlaid with power dynamics – typically stemming from a position of authority – and our micro-interactions take on extra significance, simply because those around us make them significant. They add meaning and interpretation to our every move, whether we intend it or not.
To illustrate why micro-interactions matter, let’s look at three areas where they have particular influence.
Relationships
Leaders who rely on authority alone are rarely successful. (See Amar, Hentrich and Hlupic’s 2009 HBR article, ‘To be a better leader, give up authority.’) The most effective leaders make things happen through influence, which principally occurs within relationships.
Each micro-interaction is like a stitch in the tapestry of a relationship, adding to its depth, color and overall shape. Alone, they may seem insignificant, but collectively, the micro-interactions are the relationship. If too many stitches are missing, broken, or the wrong color, the whole picture – the relationship – starts to lose its luster and cohesion.
Relationships are constantly evolving and changing over time. Our micro-interactions are never neutral: each is contributing to one of three things happening within the relationship. First, they may be growing it and nourishing it. Here, your micro-interactions are net positive, contributing to an ever-deeper and higher-quality relationship.
If that isn’t happening, there are only two other options. One, you are actively killing it. Your micro-interactions are damaging the relationship, causing a loss of trust and a decrease in understanding. Or, two, you are letting the relationship die through neglect. Whether through a lack of self-awareness or simply not paying enough attention, the relationship is deteriorating.
The goal is not perfection. Progress in any relationship is not linear over time. But you do need to pay attention to the net impact of your micro-interactions. The work to do is, as far as possible, to eliminate or transform those micro-interactions which may be frustrating to others or even cause harm.
Culture
Micro-interactions drive the culture of our team and our organization. But what is workplace culture? “The way we do things around here,” is how Marvin Bower, the man behind McKinsey and the father of modern management consulting, described it. It’s the values, behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, actions, norms and habits that make up our work environment.
As a leader, you are always being watched. Those around you take cues from your micro-interactions: not only from what you say, but what you don’t say; what you call out and what you tolerate. This goes beyond spoken or written interactions. Your habits, behaviors and decisions all send out a message. It is crucial to own these, and consider what these messages are saying to those around you. If you’re in a position of power or authority, people are watching, learning and interpreting. Your micro-interactions are telling others how to treat you, and how to treat each other, which ultimately drives workplace culture.
Experience
Micro-interactions form a huge part of our experience of work and of life. They influence how we perceive our job, our manager, and our team. They affect whether we feel valued, seen, understood and supported; or ignored, marginalized, exploited and taken for granted. They often determine whether we have a good day or a bad one.
Poor employee experience usually leads to lower employee engagement. All too often, leaders then look for a quick fix. Perhaps HR brings in an enhanced employee wellness program, or the benefits system is revamped. Maybe training and development is offered, or they run a team away day. All of these have their place and can be helpful. But if the day-to-day micro-interactions between leaders and their teams are not creating an environment in which it is positive to work, the big initiatives will make no lasting difference.
When employee experience is poor it causes frustration, distrust, disengagement, stress, and can cause people to leave. It is a truism, backed by research, that people don’t leave jobs – rather, they leave managers. With the average person spending over 90,000 hours of their life at work – more than 10 years – it makes sense to strive to make our work something we enjoy, rather than endure. Taking the time to work on our micro-interactions such that they create a supportive, positive work environment can only be a good thing.
Small things that make a difference
Micro-interactions have a profound impact in our professional lives through our relationships, working culture and experience at work. As leaders, that impact is magnified due to our power and authority. Micro-interactions can be the key to unlocking the potential of your people, if you are paying attention. You cannot afford to ignore them.
Sarah Langslow is an executive coach and leadership development specialist, and author of Do Sweat the Small Stuff (Practical Inspiration Publishing)